Saturday, July 18, 2009
So yes, the entire point of me taking requests for reviews - at least, in theory - is so I can stretch out a little bit and review music that I would not even consider reviewing on my own. You know, music that exists outside of my "music I already know really well and like a whole lot" sphere. And that's all well and good, right? If I am going to become a hot-shot music journalist contributing to VH1/Blender's "MOST AWESOMELY BAD ALBUM COVERS OF ALL TIME" (yes, yes, this is my only goal), I have got to be willing to review a wide range of music! And hey, on paper, this is a very exciting concept - who knows what remarkable, unpredictable musical adventures I will embark on??
Unfortunately, my friend Emily had to go and remind me of what I am really getting myself into. She requested LMFAO's Party Rock.
Oh, I'm not blaming her. Nothing exemplifies "music I would never ever listen to on my own" better than Party Rock. I mean, do I even have to listen to it? Look at that album cover! And man, it's co-produced by Will.I.Am and features Lil Jon. For a man like me, them's some major red flags. Y'know, I am not one of those "I HATE RAP!!" people by any stretch of the imagination, and I absolutely love dance music when it's real good. But I have never been a crunk man. It's not even that it's too sleazy or obnoxious - I mean, it is, but I can take a lot of obnoxious music - but it's just so dang boring! The beats are all the same slow, thumpy club grinds that just don't go anywhere and the vocals are often completely unaffected and dull. You'd think really sleazy club grind music would be provocative and attention-grabbing, but you would apparently be wrong.
But I do admit, while I pretty much knew exactly what to expect out of Party Rock, I had some slightly higher hopes for it than usual. This is only because, before I heard the album, I heard "Shots," the song Lil Jon guests on. And let me tell you - it is a hilarious song. An absolute riot. From the random partygoer shouting "I'M FUCKED UUUUP!" in the intro to Lil Jon's constant incantations of "All my alcoholics, put your hands in the air!" and "If you ain't gettin' drunk, GET THE FUCK OUT THE CLUB!," to the most stupidly repetitive chorus in the history of... well, music ("SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS! SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS! EVERYBODYY!!") - there is seriously not a single moment in this song that is not ridiculously hilarious. If you take it as a piece of comedy, there is nothing funnier in this world. So hearing this song, I hoped - to the ends of this green Earth - that the entire 45 minutes of this record would maintain this level of hilarity. You know, it'd be a hilarious crunk parody full of ridiculously over-the-top lines and goofy beats. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
So I sat down and tried to listen to the album all the way though. And yeah, it made me sad, 'cause the rest of the record isn't nearly as funny. Honestly, people, I would have reviewed this album a lot sooner - Emily requested it almost immediately after I asked for requests, after all, and she got me a copy of it like the day after - but man, I just have not been able to listen all the way through it without getting painfully bored. I just - I crave other music when I listen to this album. It's just not very exciting!
Well, OK. I'm not being fair. There are several other moments on this record that certainly match the hilarity of "Shots". But, you know, it's only a few lines here and there scattered throughout a bunch of boring electro-pop party jams. Only one full song matches "Shots," and that would be the hilariously titled "I Am Not A Whore." See, the premise of the song is that the main LMFAO dude actually wants to get to know women, but he can't because they all just want to have sex with him - a premise that is especially hilarious after song after song of explicitly dirty "flash your titties" exhortations. But it's the lyrics that make it: "Most girls I meet are quite savage /Always tryna' grab up on my package / The say I look yummy and they want a taste / But I'm a human not a sandwich." I can't even - I can't even make this up.
Other funny little bits: a goofy low-voice ordering women to flash their titties "even in church" in "Get Crazy"; the line "If I gotta girl on my arm, don't say SHIIIT!" near the end of "What Happens At The Party," featuring a very funny distorted vocal slow-down effect; the line "I got a girlfriend, but what's the use?" from I forget the exact song (I don't feel like listening through them again, you see). But besides the occasional line, this is not a very funny album - songs like "La La La" and "I Don't Wanna Be" are so straight-faced and unfunny that they just become the generic club jams they otherwise seem to be parodying. Not to mention that "I'm In Miami Bitch," the first single from the album, is actually pretty boring. Why "Shots" isn't the single, I have absolutely no idea.
There is one "unfunny" song I like - "Lil Hipster Girl," despite its annoying throwaway lyrics, has a pretty appealing electro-pop groove (and the opening lines "Talk shit, grab my dick / walk right in, banana split" certainly don't hurt). But that is probably the extent of it. Listen - I will not deny that, in small doses, certain tracks on this album are amazingly entertaining. I just can't take 45 full minutes of it, I guess! My mind is just not wired in this way. Not to mention that, considering that this is a dance pop album in 2009, there is more Autotune on this thing than you can shake a stick at, and I cannot stand Autotune if it's not exploited for comedic effect.
So my verdict: it's not a horrible piece of shit! Just a lot more boring than I'd hoped. Download "Shots" and maybe "I Am Not A Whore" and enjoy. You don't need any of the rest.
And see, I can make no excuses about not liking the album because I have nobody to please here! Emily suggested I review it because she knew it was bad and thought it would be funny. Most other requests I've gotten aren't nearly as ridiculous as this one, so you all have nothing to worry about my friends! No more "gee whiz I just don't like crunk!!" reviews.
But just for fun, since I feel like padding this boring review a little more please enjoy some Youtube comments for this LMFAO video:
chronicman102 (1 week ago)
janelyraylo (2 days ago)
"this song is tiizzzziiiggghhhtt wahaha j/k it's pretty legit = )
MickQuick07 (2 weeks ago)
"why is the educational system struggling in america? cuz kids are striving to be this lol. but it's pretty catchy. SHOTS :|"
kazimare (2 weeks ago)
"I feel as if my intelligence has drastically increased after listening to this song. I love artistic expression."
sugarfree133 (1 week ago)
"haha weil in amerika immer noch über die hälfte der leute denken dass electro schwul ist!
europa ist mit crookers schon viel weiter!
justice is sowas von überbewertet und die hier nerven einfach nur!"